To understand this story l have to go back and give you some details of what has taken place in the last 20 to 25 years. Some of you know that l have some serious back problems with some serious pain l been dealing with for 20 to 25 years. Now some of you know that l don’t talk about it and l keep a lot of things to myself.
To make a long story short when l got to the dock plate it was hanging by a thread and I drove on it and it pushed the whole trailer forward and five tons and l myself fell to the pavement. And in most cases if you fall with a fork lift the first reaction is to jump out or you fall out and that’s how people get killed. But l stayed on that fork lift and fell five feet to the pavement. So that’s where it all began for me; now l had rupture my disc and messed up my back big time and this is where the story gets bad. Prescription pain pills is about to ruin my life but l didn’t know it. So about five years later l had become a believer; somewhere around then l am not good with dates. But this is when l started with pain pills l never knew where the road was going to take me; this is where l turn my body into a living hell inside and not knowing it.
I will try to make this brief but it’s going to be hard, now l lived with this pain for about four years before l finally had surgery and if anyone knows about herniated disc it’s a living hell. My poor wife had to put up with me and even dress me sometimes especially putting my socks on or tying my sneakers’ what a wonderful woman GOD gave me. But after the surgery it never got better and in fact it got worse and then they found another herniated disc; the doctor wanted to do surgery again and I said no way because l had no relief before and now all l had was severe pain, and on top of all this they diagnosed me with severe neophyte chronic pain because of nerve and tissue damage. And this is where l started the pills; now they first put me on oxycodone and the strength was not five or seven but the max which is ten. Not knowing what this was doing to me inside and l really didn’t care because the pain went away by taking this drug. And the more l worked and played the more l took the pill, one in the morning and one in the afternoon and one at night, it was the worse at night averaging about three to four hours of sleep a night and that has not changed.
So here l was taking pills’ and now l have come to know the LORD; l asked him to take this pain away and it never happen; so l was content with that and thought about Paul who had a thorn in his side, whatever that was, but he asked and GOD told him his grace was sufficient for him’ so l thought the same way his grace was good enough and it is. Now at this time l had become real good friends with Pastor Ron and we started to play golf, and we actually got real good at it and became competitive with each other but in a good way. He would bring out the good in me and l would bring out the good in him and not to brag but we were always close to breaking forty and if you know anything about golf that is great. But l think what we loved the most was our fellowship and the seventh hole looking out at parkers pond with the sun shining on the water and sitting on the bench and praying and talking about GODS greatness.
Well to play the game you need to really torque your body and it takes a lot out of your back so what did l do; l take more pills. Now Pastor knew l had a bad back but he never pried or asked me a lot of questions because he knew how l was, he never knew l was on pain pills and l never told him, l did not want to make it about my problems but he always took the time and prayed for my back. Now at this time things are getting worse and l kept it to myself but the doctor had taken me off oxy and put me on hydrocodone at the max. This lasted for seven years and l am sad to say things were spiraling out of control, and things are getting harder to do and the pills were getting more frequent. Sad to say I had to stop playing golf along with all the others things l did physically, l used to run a lot and work out but the only thing l could do now was hang onto a very good job that the LORD had given me. I work very physical at work and l knew that l have to take care of my family so l took more pain pills, at this point l started to not feel good inside and even my mental state and spiritual state was declining.
So l had appointment with my doctor and the news he gave me was this. He had to send me to a specialist because he can’t give out any more drugs to me because of the law and he could lose his license. In other words l need help, and if you know anything about back pain and the sciatica you take drugs to kill the pain; so that’s not what l wanted to hear. But he sent me to the specialist so they could keep track of my pain and pills. But it actually got worse, they took me off hydrocodone and put me on morphine, now when she told me she was putting me on this the only thing l could think of was this is out of control. But she insured me this would be much better and help my pain and she was right, it did, but the effect inside of me was getting worse, depression started also anxiety and l started feeling physically not good, getting heavy and out of breath.
So your probably thinking why not just get off the drug, that’s not how it works when pain is constant, and when your addicted it’s a nightmare but l will explain later what happens to you when you want to get off pain pills. So it’s been two years that l have been on this morphine drug and l am declining fast even though it was helping me to stay working, which at that point that’s all l cared about. I learned to act like all was well but it was not and after a while you just play the role.
Now this is where the blessing and miracle come in! and l get very emotional and overwhelmed thinking about this, but if you know anything about drugs you know you just don’t stop taking them especially if you have been on them for seven years straight. Your body literally shuts down and you really get depressed and the anxiety and pain start in and you can’t stand it, sweats, and numbness sits in like no tomorrow. The doctors actually tell you if you try to stop without a long term process or weaning you off this drug it can cause heart failure and possible internal problems, In other words don’t do it because you will go through hell.
Well it’s Dec 1st 2014 just a little over a month ago, l get out of bed and go downstairs to my office and my bible is wide open and l just stare at it, not reading it just staring at it like l was in a trance. And l say these words LORD l can’t do this anymore! and as l look up on top of my desk l have ammunition sitting in a row 223 shell, 38 shell, a 9 mm shell and 22 shell, now don’t panic and think the worse of me but just for a second l thought of the worse, but right away it left my mind for whatever reason, but l know it’s divine intervention for sure, and so l glance back at my bible and said LORD it’s in your hands l now surrender everything to you. Please LORD take these drugs from me because l am not doing this anymore, l have nothing left and l am putting it in your hands, and l was crying. And this is where it got strange and this is the only way l can explain it. I stood up and literally it felt like all that was in me left my body and it shot out from my shoulders and head like flash of light and then l felt a peace that l never felt before. It was such a relief and mystery that l didn’t realize it until that night.
Now remember l always took a pill in the morning, afternoon and night, and these pills that l was on, they last for 6 to 8 hrs. l left for work and never took a pill. By the way that day was one of the toughest days l had physically as in work load. So here l am at work feeling like a blessing and miracle that is beyond belief and sitting at my desk in a daze because of what took place, now it’s just about time to go home. I open my drawer and get my bag, l open the cover and look inside to grab the car keys and sitting on my keys is my bottle of morphine. Now remember l always take one when l leave work to help me sleep and knock the pain out; l looked at them moved them aside and grabbed my keys. The ride home was so emotional l had to pull over and cry; and these words were said to me, and it felt like JESUS was sitting right next to me, and this is what l heard. My grace is sufficient for you; and you don’t have to be conformed to this world, and then he said, trust in ME with all your heart and not on your own understanding.
I know what some of you may be thinking, because you can’t believe GOD talked to me, well your wrong GOD does talk to us if you’re listening. Pastor Ron preached about be still and know that l am GOD. Well l was still and l know HE is GOD, and l was on my last leg.
So here l am keeping all this in, until GOD told me to write it down and share it; So it’s Jan 17th 2015 not one pain pill and not once did l have any kind of side effect or depression or anxiety not even a sweat. Remember seven years every day three times a day, that is a miracle itself, now do l think l am not going to have pain again, so far l have none, now do l think it will come back, l don’t know but what l do know is this; the blessing the miracle of the LORD is all l know at this time and l lift it all to him. HE said come to me, all you who labor and are heavy laden and I will give you rest, I am free of pain pills because of our LORD JESUS CHRIST l will take what is giving and be blessed by this. I cried when l wrote this and l tell you this, whatever your problems are there not too big for GOD never lose hope no matter how( long ) it takes. GOD Bless you all
Pslam: 51) Romans:3: 25,26
Bob, Theresa & Alex Vargason